LOL-Worthy Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Jokes That Every Grappler Will Love

I remember the first time I tried Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I was so excited to start rolling, but the only thing I ended up doing was rolling myself into a heap of laughter! After all, martial arts can be intense, but the funny moments that come with BJJ are truly priceless.
So, I thought, why not share some of the funniest Brazilian Jiu Jitsu jokes I have come across? Get ready to giggle, or maybe even choke… on laughter!

The Black Belt Chronicles

1. Why did the black belt bring a ladder to class? Because he wanted to reach the next level.
2. What do you call a black belt that always loses? A brown belt in disguise.
3. Why do not black belts ever get lost? Because they always find a way to tap out.
4. What did the black belt say after he lost a match? ‘I guess I need more ‘tapping’ into my skills.’
5. Why did the black belt refuse to fight the purple belt? He was ‘grappling’ with the decision.
6. How many black belts does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes them 10 years of practice to do it without tapping.
7. I tried Brazilian Jiu Jitsu after leg day, but I ended up tapping out before I could even stretch!
8. Why do black belts love pizza? Because they know how to ‘slice’ through their opponents.
9. Why was the black belt so calm during the storm? Because he always stays ‘grounded’.
10. What does a black belt do when they lose their keys? They ‘submit’ to their opponent.
11. Why did the black belt refuse to join the circus? Because they could not ‘clown’ around with their techniques.

Tapping Out

1. Why do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioners always make great friends? Because they know when to tap out.
2. What is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter’s favorite karaoke song? ‘Tap, Tap, Tap’ by The Rolling Stones.
3. Why did the Jiu Jitsu practitioner tap out at the dinner table? Because the food was too ‘spicy.’
4. What do you call someone who taps out too quickly? A ‘tap-out’ artist.
5. Why did the wrestler tap out during the Jiu Jitsu match? He realized he was out of his ‘grip’ zone.
6. Why do Jiu Jitsu fighters never hold grudges? They always tap out before things get too serious.
7. Why did the fighter tap out in class? Because the choke hold made them ‘breathless’ with laughter.
8. What does a tap out sound like at a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competition? ‘I tap, therefore I am.’
9. Why is tapping out like a ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card? Because it is a safe exit.
10. What is the quickest way to make a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter leave? Tap out in the first five seconds.

The Grappling Games

1. Why did the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner bring a tennis ball to class? He wanted to practice his ‘serve’.
2. What do you call a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competition without any submissions? A ‘no-go’ event.
3. Why do not Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighters play chess? Because they already know how to ‘check’ mate.
4. Why did the Jiu Jitsu fighter lose the race? Because he spent too much time ‘grappling’ with his decisions.
5. Why did the Jiu Jitsu practitioner get stuck at the front door? He was ‘guarding’ the entry.
6. I joined a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class and now I know why John Cena is always saying you cannot see me; because I am flat on the mat!
7. What is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter’s favorite breakfast? ‘Grapes’; they are always into grappling.
8. What did the Jiu Jitsu fighter say after taking a nap? ‘I was just practicing my ‘resting guard.’’
9. Why did the grappler refuse to join the band? Because they could not handle the ‘scales.’
10. Why did the BJJ practitioner take so long at the grocery store? They were stuck in the ‘half guard’ section.
11. What did the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter say to his opponent who could not submit? ‘You are really in a tough ‘position.’’

Jiu Jitsu Philosophy

1. Why do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioners never get mad? Because they always ‘take a deep breath and tap.’
2. What is the BJJ practitioner’s motto? ‘Relax, breathe, and do not forget to laugh!’
3. Why do BJJ practitioners love philosophy? Because they know how to ‘tap into’ deep thoughts.
4. What did the BJJ black belt say to the purple belt? ‘I have already ‘grappled’ with that idea.’
5. Why is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu like philosophy? Because it makes you ‘tap into’ your mind and body.
6. What did the purple belt say about philosophy? ‘It is all about ‘positioning’ your thoughts.’
7. Why did the BJJ student bring a philosopher to class? To help him ‘find his center’.
8. What is the most philosophical thing a Jiu Jitsu practitioner can say? ‘Submit or be submitted.’
9. Why do Jiu Jitsu practitioners prefer deep conversations? Because they know how to ‘tap’ into meaningful dialogue.
10. Why was the purple belt constantly reading philosophy books? He thought they were full of ‘guard positions.’

Sweaty Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Jokes

1. Why do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioners always smell like victory? Because their sweat ‘stinks’ of determination.
2. Why was the Jiu Jitsu practitioner so happy after the roll? Because they got to ‘sweat the small stuff.’
3. What do you call a Jiu Jitsu class in a sauna? A ‘sweaty submission.’
4. Why do Jiu Jitsu practitioners love summer? Because they are always ‘sweating it out.’
5. What do you get when you mix BJJ and sweat? A ‘slip-n-slide’ submission.
6. Why did the BJJ student refuse to take a break during class? Because they were already ‘sweating the details.’
7. I tried Brazilian Jiu Jitsu after a long cycling ride, and my legs were more tangled than my bike chain!
8. What did the Jiu Jitsu fighter say about the heat? ‘I am just sweating my ‘guard’ off.’
9. Why do BJJ practitioners always love their training gear? Because it ‘wicks away’ all the sweat.
10. What is a Jiu Jitsu practitioner’s least favorite part of the day? When the sweat ‘dries up.’
11. Why do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighters always have towels handy? Because you can never ‘sweat’ too much during a good roll.

The BJJ Lifestyle

1. Why did the BJJ practitioner get a dog? To practice their ‘guard’ with him.
2. What is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner’s favorite vacation spot? The ‘Mountains,’ because they love to ‘climb’ into top position.
3. Why do BJJ practitioners always bring snacks to class? Because they are always ‘snacking’ in between rolls.
4. Why was the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter so good at cooking? Because they always ‘knew the recipe for a submission.’
5. What did the Jiu Jitsu practitioner say about his new job? ‘It is just another ‘roll’ in the day.’
6. Why do BJJ fighters always look so good? Because they are always in ‘shape.’
7. What do BJJ fighters say when they are asked about their lifestyle? ‘It is all about the ‘grappling’ mentality.’
8. Why did the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter wear a suit? Because they wanted to show that they could ‘submit’ anything in any setting.
9. Why did the Jiu Jitsu fighter become a morning person? Because they already knew how to ‘submit’ their dreams.
10. What does a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner always carry with them? A ‘belt,’ of course.

BJJ Techniques

1. What is a Jiu Jitsu fighter’s favorite move? The ‘laugh-out-loud choke.’
2. What did the Jiu Jitsu fighter say about their triangle choke? ‘It really gets to the ‘point.’
3. Why do Jiu Jitsu fighters never get tangled up in conversation? Because they know how to ‘guard’ their words.
4. Why did the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu fighter use a secret move? Because they knew how to ‘tap’ into the element of surprise.
5. Why was the Jiu Jitsu fighter’s armbar so effective? Because they always ‘stretched’ the truth.
6. What does a Jiu Jitsu fighter say after a successful kimura? ‘It was a ‘twist’ of fate.’
7. Why did the BJJ practitioner love their guillotine choke? Because it was a real ‘neck-breaking’ experience.
8. If Messi ever tried Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, he would dribble everyone on the mat without even breaking a sweat!
9. Why did the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner work on their guard pass? To get through the ‘toughest’ situations.
10. What did the Jiu Jitsu practitioner say about their butterfly guard? ‘It is ‘soaring’ to new heights.’
11. What do Jiu Jitsu practitioners call their favorite submission? ‘The ‘laugh-out-loud’ tap.’

The BJJ Beginner’s Guide

1. Why did the BJJ beginner bring a notebook to class? To take ‘notes’ on how to tap out.
2. What do you call a beginner BJJ practitioner who taps out too early? A ‘tap’ enthusiast.
3. Why did the BJJ beginner ask for extra mats? Because they needed more ‘space’ for mistakes.
4. What does a beginner BJJ student call their first successful submission? A ‘beginning’ to greatness.
5. Why did the BJJ beginner always wear sneakers? To run away from the tough positions.
6. How does a beginner BJJ practitioner feel after a class? ‘Worn out’ but smiling.
7. What did the BJJ beginner say after getting caught in a triangle choke? ‘I thought I was in the clear.’
8. Why do BJJ beginners love the mat? Because it is the best place to ‘roll’ into fun.
9. What do you call a BJJ beginner who never taps out? A ‘future black belt’… or a ‘broken body’.
10. Why was the BJJ beginner always nervous? Because they did not want to ‘tap’ under pressure.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Jokes Competitions

1. Why did the BJJ competitor bring a pillow to the tournament? To ‘rest in guard’ after the match.
2. What do BJJ competitors call a tough opponent? ‘Someone who knows how to make them tap under pressure.’
3. Why do BJJ competitors always train in pairs? Because they love ‘rolling’ together.
4. Why did the BJJ competitor look calm during the final match? Because they were already ‘in the zone’; or the guard.
5. Why do BJJ competitors always bring extra clothes? In case they get ‘choked’ up in the middle of the match.
6. I tried Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with Steelers Football players, but I spent more time tapping out than watching touchdowns!
7. What is a BJJ competitor’s favorite workout? ‘Rolling with the punches’; and submissions.
8. Why do BJJ competitors always seem so cool? Because they have mastered the art of ‘chill in the choke.’
9. Why did the BJJ competitor refuse to do karaoke? They said their ‘choke hold’ would make the microphone too ‘tight.’
10. Why was the BJJ competitor always so prepared? They knew how to ‘prepare their guard’ for anything.
11. What does a BJJ competitor think about time? ‘The longer the roll, the sweeter the tap.’

The Belt Progression

1. Why did the white belt bring a pencil to class? To ‘draw’ their way to success.
2. What did the purple belt say to the white belt? ‘Do not worry, it is all just ‘grappling’ with your mind.’
3. Why did the blue belt try to teach the white belt? Because they ‘believed’ in ‘colorful’ lessons.
4. What does a purple belt say when they get promoted to brown belt? ‘It is time to ‘brown-nose’ my way to black!’
5. Why did the black belt only hang out with other black belts? Because they did not want to be ‘belittled’ by their belt rank.
6. What does a white belt call a brown belt? ‘A master of the ‘tap’ arts.’
7. Why does the brown belt hate when someone calls them ‘too serious’? They believe ‘brown’ has a certain ‘gravity’ to it.
8. Why did the blue belt get promoted to purple? Because they ‘tapped into’ their true potential.
9. Why did the purple belt refuse to take the blue belt’s advice? Because it was too ‘blue-sky’ for their liking.
10. Why did the black belt refuse to go back to the gym after promotion? Because they had ‘reached the peak’ of the ‘belt mountain.’

So, I hope you had as much fun reading these Brazilian Jiu Jitsu jokes as I had writing them. If not, do not worry! At least you survived the ‘choke’ of reading them. Keep rolling, keep laughing, and always remember; tapping out is just part of the journey!
Catch you on the mats, or better yet, in another hilarious read. Stay funny and keep those submissions coming!