These Advertising Puns So Bad, They Deserve Their Own Commercial

Last week, I saw a shampoo bottle that said, “Hair today, gone tomorrow  not with us!” I laughed so hard, I almost bought two. That is the magic of advertising puns. 

They are so bad, they are brilliant. Let us dive into some that might just make your inner copywriter giggle.

Billboards That Should Have Been Illegal

1. I told my friend I work in outdoor advertising. He said, “Wow, so you are into exposure?” I said, “Yes, but only legally!”
2. Billboards are like dating profiles: huge promises, small print, and questionable lighting.
3. The billboard said, “Lose Weight Fast!” Right below it was a burger ad. Subliminal sabotage at its finest.
4. The billboard promised, “Results Guaranteed!” Turns out, it was for disappointment.
5. I saw a billboard advertising yoga classes. The font was so stretched, I got flexible just reading it.
6. The billboard said, “Think Big!” I replied, “I am, that is why I am reading your giant sign.”
7. That billboard offering free hugs has caused more rear end collisions than bad brakes.
8. There was a billboard for a psychic hotline. It read, “We knew you would read this.”
9. I saw a billboard for a mattress sale that said, “You snooze, you win.” Finally, an honest slogan.
10. The billboard read, “This space was intentionally left blank.” I felt oddly inspired.

Slogans That Went To Therapy

1. “Just Do It” went to therapy because it developed commitment issues.
2. “Because You Are Worth It” now questions its self esteem daily.
3. “Finger Lickin’ Good” has an ongoing legal case with the Hygiene Association.
4. “Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hands” filed a lawsuit against sweaty palms.
5. “The Ultimate Driving Machine” switched to walking to lower its carbon footprint.
6. “Snap, Crackle, Pop” has joint issues from old age.
7. “Have It Your Way” got exhausted trying to please everyone.
8. “Taste the Rainbow” now suffers from chromophobia.
9. “Red Bull Gives You Wings” was fined for promoting unlicensed flight.
10. “Breakfast of Champions” now attends support group meetings for former champions.

Pitch Meetings Gone Rails

1. “Let us sell shampoo for bald men!” “You mean hope in a bottle?”
2. “What if our toothpaste promises you will never stop smiling?” “Sounds like a medical emergency.”
3. “Let us market water but call it ‘artisanal hydration.'” “Genius, people love overpriced synonyms.”
4. “We sell dirt, but call it ‘organic facial scrub.'” “I see a billion dollar market.”
5. “Our deodorant slogan: ‘Stops odor dead in its tracks.’” “Like a hitman for smells?”
6. “The ad shows a man sleeping on clouds.” “Are we selling beds or delusions?”
7. “Let us name our coffee ‘Insomnia Fuel.'” “Finally, truth in advertising.”
8. “A perfume called ‘Desperation.'” “At least we are honest about dating.”
9. “Let us sell air in cans.” “You mean like bagged lettuce but sadder?”
10. “We market ice cream as ‘Emotional Support Dairy.'” “Get the trademark attorney on the line.”

Taglines That Should Have Been Proofread

1. We will beat any competitor! Physically, if necessary.
2. “Now with 50% less poison!” (for pesticides)
3. Our food will leave you speechless. Literally.
4. “Guaranteed to last forever.*” (*Until it breaks.)
5. You cannot put a price on love. But we tried.
6. So fresh, it might still be alive.
7. We do not cut corners. We just round them.
8. Your trust is misplaced here.
9. Buy one, regret two.
10. Experience the thrill of unexpected side effects.

Creative Directors 

1. Let us shoot the ad on Mars.” “NASA says no.
2. I want the logo to feel like a warm hug from grandma.” “Creepy, but okay.
3. The commercial will feature talking dogs…in business suits.” “Naturally.
4. Can we make the font scream luxury?” “Do fonts scream?
5. This necktie is not just stylish it is the best branding you can wrap around your neck.
6. The product should glow, float, and sing.” “So a haunted product?
7. We will use reverse psychology. Tell them not to buy it.” “Bold strategy.
8. Add more explosions. It is a toothpaste ad.” “Nothing says fresh like pyrotechnics.
9. The packaging should whisper to the customer.” “We are getting sued.
10. I want people to cry when they see our stapler.” “Mission emotionally confusing.
11. The ad will feature an interpretive dance explaining our refund policy.” “Oscar Worthy nonsense.

Copywriters Who Need A Nap

1. Buy our cheese: It is like a vacation for your mouth.
2. Shoes that hug your feet like desperate exes.
3. Our pillows are fluffier than your future.
4. Coffee strong enough to wake your ancestors.
5. Socks: because naked feet are offensive.
6. Our shampoo makes your hair so shiny, birds will get confused.
7. Our burgers will make your diet cry.
8. Glasses so clear you might walk into walls.
9. Laundry detergent that fights stains like a medieval knight.
10. WiFi so fast it finished reading this before you.

Marketing Departments 

1.  Is it an energy drink or a liquid mistake?
2. Our cereal may contain 0% actual cereal.
3. Luxury toilet paper: because your behind deserves elegance.
4. Diet water: for people who fear calories in air.
5. Insurance is so confusing, you will call your mom.
6. Our razors shave time off your morning.. and occasionally skin.
7. Our app solves problems you never had.
8. Scented candles that smell like ambition and broken dreams.
9. A dating app for plants. Niche, but promising.
10. Our protein powder tastes like regret, but it works.

Mad Men Would Be Proud

1. Smoke our cigarettes: endorsed by 4 out of 5 oldtimey doctors.
2. Our vacuum sucks like never before. And that is good.
3. Soap so pure, angels cry when you use it.
4. Beer that tastes like freedom and questionable decisions.
5. We turn your marketing stress into success one pun at a time.
6. Our watches are timeless. Literally, they do not tell time.
7. Hair gel that turns you into a walking billboard.
8. Our cologne makes strangers reconsider personal space.
9. Furniture so modern, even your grandmother disapproves.
10. Luxury pens for signing checks you cannot cash.
11. Office chairs designed for your least productive hours.

Legal Departments 

1. May cause excessive awesomeness.
2. Side effects include spontaneous jazz hands.
3. Use at your own social risk.
4. Our sunscreen protects you from everything except your choices.
5. Batteries included, dignity sold separately.
6. Not for use while operating emotional baggage.
7. May attract unicorns and lawsuits.
8. Do not taunt happy fun product.
9. Warning: Contains actual flavor.
10. In case of dissatisfaction, blame yourself.

Advertising That Accidentally Became Poetry

1. Where taste meets your face.
2. More crunch than your morning meeting.
3. Soft as whispered apologies.
4. Light as your first heartbreak.
5. Hotter than bad decisions at 2 AM.
6. Smoother than your best pickup line.
7. Cooler than your ex’s new boyfriend.
8. Shinier than your coworker’s promotion.
9. Stronger than your WiFi signal.
10. Sweeter than childhood ignorance.

And now, every time I walk past a store with a cheesy slogan, I cannot help but smile and think, “Somewhere, a copywriter had way too much fun with that one.” Honestly, if advertising puns were a sport, I would be in training full time.

Thanks for laughing along with me and if you spot any pun-tastically bad slogans out in the wild, send them my way. I am always hungry for more terrible genius!