Lips Do Not Lie; These Chapstick Puns Are Soft, Silly, and Slightly Addictive

Last winter, I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out what I thought was a pen. Spoiler alert; it was not. It was my chapstick, and I only realized this after confidently signing a receipt at the pharmacy with what turned out to be a very glossy, berry scented flourish. The cashier gave me a look that said, “Bold choice,” and honestly, I respected it.

That was the day I realized two things; one, I might be dangerously under caffeinated, and two, chapstick deserves way more credit for how weirdly funny it is. I mean, who knew something designed to fight dry lips could inspire so much comedy gold? Stick around pun completely intended and get ready for a smudge of chapstick puns that will leave your lips smiling.

Puns About Chapstick

1. My chapstick ghosted me and I guess it could not handle the pressure.
2. Lost my chapstick again. I swear it’s on a roll… literally.
3. Tried using chapstick as glue. Now my crafts are smooth but useless.
4. Chapstick told me, “Don’t crack under pressure.” Too late.
5. Found my chapstick in the dryer. It’s more well traveled than I am.
6. My lip balm in a band. They’re called Mint Condition.
7. Chapstick and I had a falling out. It slipped through the cracks.
8. Gave my chapstick a pep talk. It still flaked on me.
9. I whisper secrets to my chapstick. It keeps ‘em sealed tight.
10. My chapstick said it needed space. It’s chillin’ in my car door now.

 Office Stick

1. Why did the chapstick apply for a job? It wanted to stick to a steady income.
2. Chapstick’s dream job? A lip reader.
3. Why did the chapstick go to school? To improve its application skills.
4. Why did the chapstick get promoted? It always stuck to its goals.
5. Chapstick started a blog to share its glossy experiences.
6. I asked my chapstick for advice; it said, “Just roll with it.”
7. Chapstick always knows how to stick to the plan.
8. I asked my chapstick for a raise; it said, “I am already at the top.”
9. Why did the chapstick get a makeover? It wanted a fresh look.
10. Chapstick does not like being dropped; it feels let down.

 Love & Lips

1. I told my chapstick a secret, but it just glossed over it.
2. Chapstick does not gossip; it keeps lips sealed.
3. Chapstick does not argue; it smooths things over.
4. I caught my chapstick cheating. It was in another pocket.
5. My chapstick joined a dating app looking for a smooth connection.
6. Why did the chapstick break up with the lipstick? It could not handle the pressure.
7. Chapstick does not like being alone; it prefers to stick with friends.
8. I told my chapstick a secret; now it is sealed.
9. Why did the chapstick go to therapy? It had separation anxiety.
10. When chapstick goes to therapy, it talks about its stickiness issues.

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 Gloss Goals

1. Chapstick’s favorite holiday? Valentine’s Daylots of kissing.
2. Chapstick’s favorite genre of music? Smooth jazz.
3. Chapstick’s favorite song? “Smooth Operator.”
4. Chapstick’s favorite color? Glossy pink.
5. Chapstick’s favorite dessert? Lip Smacking good pie.
6. Chapstick’s favorite movie genre? Romantic glossies.
7. I caught my chapstick singing. It has a smooth voice.
8. I told my chapstick a joke; it cracked a smile.
9. Chapstick’s favorite book? “The Great Glossby.”
10. Chapstick’s favorite animal? A mistletoe.

 Lip Gains

1. Chapstick’s favorite exercise? Lipups.
2. Why did the chapstick go to the gym? To work on its upper lip strength.
3. Chapstick’s favorite sport? Curling.
4. Chapstick’s favorite dance move? The twist and glide.
5. I caught my chapstick dancing. It has smooth moves.
6. Chapstick’s favorite dance? The lip hop.
7. Chapstick’s favorite superhero? The Incredible Bulk.
8. Why did the chapstick get detention? It could not keep its mouth shut.
9. I tried to use chapstick as a crayon; now my drawing is slippery.
10. Chapstick does not like elevators; it prefers to stick to the stairs.

 Gloss Life

1. I tried to write with my chapstick; now my notebook is moisturized.
2. I tried to cook with chapstick; now everything tastes minty.
3. I tried to use chapstick as glue; now my crafts are moisturized.
4. I tried to use chapstick as a candle; now my room smells like cherries.
5. I tried to use chapstick as a bookmark; now my book smells like berries.
6. I tried to use chapstick as a pen; now my essay is unreadable.
7. I tried to use chapstick as a highlighter; now my notes are shiny.
8. I tried to use chapstick as a marker; now my notes are glossy.
9. I tried to use chapstick as a glue stick; now my crafts are slippery.
10. I tried to use chapstick as a stamp; now my mail is moisturized.

Lip Fame

1. Chapstick’s favorite movie? “Stick It.”
2. Chapstick started a bandit called “The Lip Syncs.”
3. Chapstick’s favorite instrument? The lip harmonica.
4. Chapstick’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Windburn.”
5. Chapstick’s favorite TV show? “The Bold and the Beautiful Lips.”
6. Chapstick’s favorite song? “Smooth Operator.”
7. Chapstick’s favorite hobby? Lip syncing.
8. I caught my chapstick watching TVit loves soap operas.
9. I caught my chapstick reading. It loves literature.
10. Chapstick’s favorite book? “The Great Glossby.”

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Weather Stick

1. Chapstick does not like cold weather; it gets chapped.
2. Chapstick does not like heat; it melts under pressure.
3. Chapstick does not like rain; it gets washed away.
4. Chapstick’s favorite season? Winterso it can be useful.
5. I caught my chapstick sunbathing. It wants to be a tan stick.
6. Chapstick’s favorite vacation spot? The Bahamas.
7. Chapstick’s favorite holiday? National Lip Appreciation Day.
8. Chapstick’s favorite holiday? Glocktoberfest.
9. Chapstick’s favorite animal? A seal.
10. I lost my chapstick; now I am in a sticky situation.

 Tasty Sticks

1. Chapstick’s favorite snack? Lipton tea.
2. Chapstick’s favorite drink? Lipton iced tea.
3. Chapstick does not like spicy food; it prefers mild flavors.
4. I tried to cook with chapstick; now everything tastes minty.
5. Chapstick does not like spicy food; it can not handle the heat.
6. Chapstick’s favorite dessert? Lip Smacking good pie.
7. Chapstick’s favorite flavor? Anything smooth and cherry picked.
8. Chapstick does not like being salty, it prefers sweet lips.
9. Chapstick likes its food like its lightly buttered joke.
10. I tried to serve chapstick at dinner. It just glossed over the meal.

 Stick Wisdom

1. I asked my chapstick for directions; it told me to stick to the main road.
2. Chapstick does not argue; it smooths things over.
3. I told my chapstick to take a break; it said, “I can not, I am on a roll.”
4. Chapstick is not dramatic; it prefers smooth transitions.
5. Chapstick always knows how to glide through life.
6. When life cracks, be the chapstick.
7. Chapstick’s motto; Stay cool, stay smooth.
8. The world may be dry, but my lips are not.
9. Do not be bitter, be buttered with chapstick.
10. Chapstick never judges, it just glosses over the details.

So after writing all these chapstick puns, I reached for mine you know, for inspiration and realized I had four in my bag. Four. All halfused, all mysteriously missing their caps, and all with flavors that do not even exist in nature. I am pretty sure one of them was “unicorn cupcake fog.”

At that point, I accepted two things; one, I will never have dry lips again in this lifetime, and two, I might be just a little too emotionally attached to chapstick. But hey, if laughing about lip balm brightened your day even a little, then mission accomplished. Thanks for sticking around (yes, I did it again), and do not be a stranger there is always room for more ridiculous jokes up my sleeve. Or, more likely, in the pocket with my 87 chapsticks.